The First Three Weeks

While sitting upon his throne in the Lombardi Kingdom, King Vince decided he wanted a little entertainment while watching all his rebellious subjects fight to make it to his arena. So, the king called for his court jester to come in and sing him a song about the first few weeks of football. The jester came in a bit scared, for he had never actually been called into the Throne Room before (he was usually relegated to some awful costume and forced to dance around in the bleachers posing for pics with spit covered 8 yr. olds). The King kindly asked him to grace him with his happy melody of the first three weeks; this is the song that the jester sang:


Oh the first three weeks have been a blast

My those players really do move so fast

So here is a song about those guys in pads

Let’s all raise a glass to the lads

That allow us to get our fix

And make us wish we were in the mix


In Week One the season began

And Ray Rice was forced to be a fan

He looked like he was about to cry

Which made his fiancé wish she could die

See her face is still quite hot

Even after she and Ray fought

He swears he told the truth to Roger

Who swiftly started up the press fogger

And now everyone is under scrutiny

While the ex NFL players scream for mutiny!

Elsewhere, Brady fell on his bum

Which made Giselle feel quite dumb

Peyton still rules the field

Due to his awesome line of meat shields

Half the league lost their chance at immortality

While others still had to wait on that reality


In Week Two we got more bad news

It seems AP is a fan of abuse

All Day he spends hitting kids with a switch

While everyone calls the new world a….witch

We all know we have gotten a beating

For doing something Daddy was forbidding

You see, the world has gone soft, this is true

But you cry wolf when the spotlight is off you

On the field Brady is still turning green

And Giselle is starting to turn very mean.

Meanwhile, more came out about the elevator

Ray Rice is basically a women hater


Last week we saw a few crazy things

And the Legion of Boom regained its wings

They took Peyton and sat him down

And told them to go put on his gown

They lost in the preseason which proved little

Because in the Broncos now look quite brittle

Meanwhile Roger apologized and looked a fool

Cause when his players are bad, he is a tool

He slaps suspensions on them left and right

But when he screws up, he loses his might

As far as I know, no more stars are gone

But Tom Brady is still not having fun

His offensive line wants him to smell grass

They want to get back at him for his sass.


Week Four is sure to bring new fun and scares

So let’s watch to see how everyone fares.

Author: Eric

Aloha Sports Fans! My name is Eric and I have been friends with Blaine ever since he moved to my home town in eighth grade. Together we sat around talking and bouncing opinions off of each other about everything sports related. So when he started this website, I was a big advocate and now a writer. While Blaine covers the majority of the content, including everything serious, I like to give a satirical outlook on the weeks as they go by and some of the more peculiar things that happen during the season. And yes, there is definite research and football knowledge behind my posts, it just shows up in bizarre forms as the Magical Realm of the NFL took shape last year. Finally, just because it is fun to brag, I dominated the expert predictions last year and you can follow my certain fall from grace this season on that page as well.

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